


three months, three weeks and four days

by noneoftherestofitmatters



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, drunk!patterson, jane being reasonable, patterson's mad at tasha, tasha may or may not speak spanish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-17 01:28:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14177619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noneoftherestofitmatters/pseuds/noneoftherestofitmatters
Summary: Patterson feels betrayed by her best friend for too long now. What does this mean?ormy version of what should happen in Reade's wedding.





	three months, three weeks and four days

**Author's Note:**

> i blame the gc for this one, but i also wanna thank them for inspiring me and making me come out of my writer's block. y'all are lit!
> 
> english isn't my mother language, so be nice and ignore any mistakes i'm sure i made.

Betrayed. It’s how Patterson has been feeling for over three months and she simply doesn’t know why she’s still so hurt. Everyone already tried speaking to her, they all told her she had the right to be mad, but she also should try to see things from other perspective. But she can’t. Every time she thinks about it she feels sick, angry, betrayed. Even though she knows these feelings aren’t rational anymore, she can’t bring herself to forgive her former best friend for lying to her about one of the most important things in her life.

Patterson misses her though. She misses her every day. Although they see each other at work, Patterson misses how they used to talk about everything, how they used to bring each other lunch so they didn’t forget to eat, how they used to go out for drinks when the day had been too rough. Patterson misses seeing her friend smile at her for no apparent reason, she misses when her friend stayed with her in the lab for as long as she had to, just so she wasn’t alone. She misses the movie nights, the game nights, the lazy Sundays. She misses the only person who managed to make her feel safe after what happened to David and Borden.  
Borden aka Nigel Thornton aka the man who ruined her entire life. Patterson knew it was all his fault and not her best friend’s, she knew the reasonable thing to do was be mad AT HIM and not her, because it was all his doing. Still, she didn’t know how to be okay with her friend again, she didn’t know how to forget being lied to for so long by the person she trusted the most.

Perhaps Patterson was overacting, but she didn’t know how to deal with the whole situation in any other way. So she just deleted Tasha Zapata from her life. She tried to do it at work too, but Reade didn’t let her for too long, so she worked with CIA agent Zapata and that was it. Tasha wasn’t family anymore.  
It’s been three months, three weeks and four days (not that she was counting) since it happened and Patterson didn’t share a single word with Zapata which was unrelated to work. That didn’t mean she stopped worrying about her every time the team was in danger (and even when they weren’t). Patterson hated herself for always looking for Zapata on camera and for always trying to make sure that her comms were working and that she was safe. She blamed her body for being used to do it when they were friends, now she had to learn not to care anymore. Not that she had any clue about how to do so.

It was Reade and Meg’s wedding and Patterson didn’t feel like going, because she had no date and she knew she was going spend the whole party drunk, alone and trying to avoid worrying about Tasha. Truth be told, she was already worried about her. Because she knew it mustn’t be easy to be the “best man” of the man you’re in love with. She feels bad for her former friend. She’s worried and she hates herself, but at the same time she can’t just not go to Reade’s wedding, so she takes a deep breath and begin to get ready.

After an hour, Patterson’s ready and waiting for her cab. She’s wearing a beautiful navy-blue dress which makes her eyes sparkle, light makeup and her hair is down with some curls she managed to make. She feels nicer when she arrives at the church and takes a seat beside Jane and Weller.

The ceremony was about to begin and Patterson feels her heart race. The perspective of seeing Tasha in a few seconds makes her nervous and she feels a mix of excitement and uneasiness she can’t quite understand. Patterson is seated at the end of the bench, really near the aisle, so she’ll certainly be seen by Tasha when the “best man” enters the church. Patterson has to make sure their eyes doesn’t meet, so she tries to keep her eyes on the floor the whole time.

People start to walk down the aisle and still no sign of Tasha. Patterson knows that because she knows Tasha’s feet no matter how ridiculous that statement is, and Tasha’s feet didn’t walk past her. So she raises her eyes just as Meg appears at the door and she smiles at how beautiful her friend’s bride looks. Then, Patterson looks at the altar and spots Reade already crying. Just for a confirmation, she scans the altar and Tasha’s not there.

Through the whole ceremony Patterson is distracted by thinking why Tasha isn’t there as Reade’s best man. She starts to worry that something happened and is about to ask Jane about it, when she stops herself. It doesn’t concern her anymore what Tasha’s doing or not doing, she doesn’t have to know everything about some random person who works with her. Tas-Zapata isn’t family anymore.

As the ceremony ends, all the guests are headed to a beautiful venue full of colorful orchids. Patterson always loved orchids and how they had the ability to adapt and grow on trees. She had a few orchids at her home, they were her babies since she couldn’t have cats. She smiled as she remembered Tasha gave her one beautiful white orchid once and told her to name it “Kitty”, so Patterson would never feel sad about being allergic to cats anymore.

It was irritating that EVERYTHING reminded her of Tasha Zapata. So Patterson decided to drink to oblivion, she found the bar and became friends with the bartender.

By the middle of the night, Patterson was already tipsy and started to tell the nice bartender about Tasha without even realizing she was doing so.

“Well we used to be best friends and she screwed me over, you know?” She said after emptying her glass of a drink she couldn’t remember the name.  
The bartender nodded and took her glass to fill it again.

Patterson continued, “She lied to me right to my face! Can you believe she had a CHANCE to tell me the truth, but she chose not to!? And she said she did it to protect me, but that’s bullshit and everyone knows it. I ended up being Patsy Pat the poor stupid woman who was betrayed by both her sociopath terrorist ex-boyfriend and her cold-hearted bitch best friend.”

The bartender put another drink in front of Patterson while he stared at her knowingly.

“And you know what’s worse?” Patterson said and laughed sarcastically, “She was supposed to be here! She was supposed to be the groom’s best man, but she’s nowhere to be found! And I’m worried about her, even though she doesn’t deserve to even be on my brilliant mind. I HATE her.”

At this, the bartender interrupted her, “Well, I’m sorry to say this, but I don’t think you hate her at all.”

Patterson looked at him confused, “Oh, believe me, I do.”

He smiled while shaking some drink to another person he wasn’t actually paying much attention to, “If you hated her, you wouldn’t be here getting drunk by yourself when there are so many interesting people out there for you.”

Patterson made a face and emptied her glass again, “Well I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying bar-boy, I’m having fun drinking on my own.”

He smiled again, “Oh, of course you are having fun talking to a barman about your heartbreak in the middle of a freaking wedding! Tell me, lady,” he asked searching for Patterson’s eyes, “How long has it been since you’re in love with your best friend?”

Patterson was in shock. She blinked a lot of times and punched the bar with her fists, making a loud noise which lead to a lot of people staring at her like she was crazy, “EXCUSE ME????” She yelled, “I DIDN’T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO IMPLY THINGS ABOUT ME, YOU ASSHOLE! I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOUR OPPINION NOR YOUR INSIGHTS ABOUT MY LIFE. FUCK YOU!”

Patterson was about to yell more when Jane came to her a took her by the arm, taking her away from the bar and out of the venue. They ended up on a balcony and when Jane was sure no one was around she stopped.

“Patterson, breathe. What the hell is going on?” The tattooed woman asked as she looked at her friend.

“That ASSHOLE!” Patterson said still clearly irritated, “He said things he shouldn’t, because I didn’t ask him to say ANYTHING but he said it anyway because he’s an asshole!”

“Okay, sweetie, please calm down okay?” Jane put a strand of Patterson’s hair behind her ear and smile sympathetically at her as she took a deep breath, “There you go, you’re fine now. Try to calm down and tell me what happened, okay? Did he disrespect you? Did he touch you?”

At this Patterson’s eyes widened, “NO!” She answered quickly, “It was nothing like that Jane!”

“Then what was it that got you so upset? I’ve never seen you scream at strangers like this before.”

Patterson stared at her hands, embarrassment taking over her as she thought about what had just happened, “It’s nothing, Jane, never mind.”

“It’s clearly something Patterson, you can talk to me, you know?” Jane spoke sweetly.

“Okay…” Patterson took a deep breath and decided to tell Jane the truth, then she could agree with her in how stupid the bartender was. “I was talking to him all night about… Stuff. And then I started to tell him about Tas-Agent Zapata. I kind of told him what happened with Borden and how she lied to me….”

Patterson looked at Jane briefly and smiled sadly at her, Jane encouraged her with her eyes to continue. “So I told him kind of how I felt about it and he just…”

“He just what, honey?” Jane asked.

“Well… He asked me how long it has been since I am in love with her.”

“Oh…” Jane acknowledged.

“Yeah…” Patterson said still staring at her hands while she played with a ring on her finger.

“So… What do you think about that Patterson?”

“It’s absurd! I’m not in love with Tas-Agent Zapata, I’m angry at her! She betrayed me, she lied to me, she never really cared about me!”

“Well, that is not true. Yes, Patterson, she lied to you. She could have told you the truth sooner, but she was doing her job. Tasha adores you, she’s been a mess since you two fought. She isn’t even here today!”

“That’s not why she isn’t here, Jane.” Patterson said, finally realizing why Tasha wasn’t there. “She’s not here because she’s in love with Reade and she didn’t want to witness him getting married.”

Jane took Patterson’s hand, making her look at her for a moment, “Well, a lot have changed since you last spoke to her. You shouldn’t just assume things.”

Patterson looked at her confused, so Jane continued, “I think you probably need to think about why you’re still so mad at her, Patterson. It’s been months and she already proved a dozen of times that we can trust her, that she won’t lie to us again. She did what she did, because just like all of us, she was trying to protect the team, but mainly, she was trying to protect YOU.”

“That’s bullshit Jane.”

“No, it is not. I bet that you would lie to her too if you thought you were doing the right thing. Believe me, Patterson, we do crazy things to protect the ones we love. Kurt and I did it, Reade and Meg certainly did it and… So did Tasha.”

Patterson stopped herself from answering when she finally understood what Jane was saying, but even when she did, she still wasn’t sure she got it right. So she asked, “What are you saying Jane?”

Jane smiled at her, “I’m not saying anything sweetie… I just think you have to think about this whole situation. You’re the smartest of us all, you’ll figure it out.”

With that, Jane walked away and left Patterson alone. She was confused, scared and felt humiliated for screaming at a bartender in the middle of her friend’s wedding. But also, she wanted to cry. Hearing everything Jane said about Tasha and why she did what she did… It was the first time she truly listened to anything someone said about her fight with Tasha and she had to admit it made some sense. She wasn’t sure, thought, why Jane had compared her relationship with her friend to Jane and Kurt’s and Meg and Reade’s. All she knew is that Jane made her think for the first time about what Tasha could be feeling.

What if Tasha wasn’t there, on Reade’s wedding, because of her? What if Tasha was trying to stay out of her way, just as she did on a daily basis, avoiding every place Patterson liked, even though she liked it too. What if Tasha was so hurt she didn’t want to be near her anymore? What if she made Tasha think she really didn’t deserve to be forgiven?

Suddenly Patterson’s heart race and she couldn’t stay at that wedding any longer. She couldn’t stay without talking to Tasha any longer. She had to get to her, fast. So she stormed out of the wedding venue and luckily there was a cab right outside of it. She gave the driver Tasha’s address and waited.

When the cab parked outside of the building Patterson knew so well, she hesitated for a moment. The driver cleared his throat and announced their arrival. So Patterson payed him and got out of the car. She knew he wasn’t going to leave until she entered the building, so she just waved at the doorman, who gladly still knew her from the days she used to attend Tasha’s apartment. As she was at her friend’s doorstep she second guessed her decision to go after her. What if Tasha didn’t want to see her? What if Tasha was the one who didn’t want to forgive her for being so mean and incomprehensible? She didn’t have the right to bother Tasha, not after three months, three weeks and four days.

But at the same time, Patterson felt a physical need to see her. Her heart yearned for her like never before. Her palms were sweaty, her hair was certainly a mess and she didn’t even know what she would say to Tasha if she actually opened the door. But she had to try, Patterson missed her so much she was in pain. So she knocked on the door.

After a moment of silence, she knocked again and again. Then she heard a noise inside the apartment and she could swear she was about to faint from how nervous she was. Well, that didn’t compare to what she felt when Tasha opened the door holding her gun.

Patterson froze as she looked at Tasha, who had a slightly messy hair, probably from being in bed, and who was wearing an old baseball t-shirt which ended in the middle of her thigh. If she was wearing any shorts, Patterson couldn’t see. Tasha also held her gun with both hands, pointing it to her. Patterson gasped.

“Wow, wow!” She was finally able to make her mouth speak, “It’s just me, just me.” Patterson said as she rose both her hands.

“Sorry,” Tasha whispered embarrassed, while she lowered the gun.

They stared at each other for a long moment, neither dared to move or speak. Patterson felt her heart beating in her ears while the only thing she could think of was how beautiful Tasha was and how much she missed being able to look at her for real.

After a while, Tasha cleared her throat and rose her eyebrows questioningly. That took Patterson out of her weird trance.

“Oh yeah, sorry, hi!” She said awkwardly as she tried to smile without embarrassing herself.

“Hi…” Tasha said plainly.

“Do you mind if we… hm… talk?” Patterson said staring at her feet.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I mean, I know it’s late and probably the worst time ever,” Patterson started rambling. “I’m sorry I woke you and I just came here unannounced, but I just had the weirdest night and I was kinda hoping we could, I mean, I could maybe talk… To you.”

“You want to talk to me?”

At that question Patterson raised her eyes and found chocolate eyes looking at her, Tasha seemed skeptic, but also vulnerable. Patterson nodded, “Yeah… Please. It’ll just take a moment and then I’ll be gone.”

“’kay,” Tasha said opening the door and letting Patterson in.

As soon as she was inside Tasha’s apartment, she felt embraced by a sense of peace she hasn’t felt in months (well, three months, three weeks and four days to be precise). Everything about that house felt like HOME to Patterson… The smell, the simple decoration, the books on the bookshelves, the succulent plants on the center table, the green soft cushions on the grey couch.

“Take a seat,” Tasha said pointing the couch to her while she locked the door and put her gun in the cabinet.

Patterson did as she was told and tried to calm down her nerves. Tasha sat on the couch beside her, grabbing a cushion and putting it on her lap.  
“So…” The CIA agent said.

Patterson closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, she had no idea of what to say or what to do. She just knew she didn’t want to screw things up even more. She wanted, she needed Tasha back. And Tasha deserved to know the truth, even though Patterson was still so confused about what exactly this meant.

“I miss you, Tasha…” She started, her voice was as unsteady as her heart. “And I know this is completely my fault, but I miss you SO MUCH.” Patterson tried to look at the other woman for a moment, but her eyes quickly watered and she had to look up to prevent the tears from falling. “Before today, I was so full of anger and I felt so betrayed that I never stopped to think about why I felt this way. I never stopped to think about you or your motives, your… Feelings. But now these are the only things I can think about.”

Patterson tried again to look at Tasha and this time their eyes locked, the blonde woman smiled a weak smile and continued, “Reade got married today and you weren’t there, why? I mean, why would you miss your best friend’s marriage? Do you still love him?”

“WHAT?” Tasha asked in disbelief, “You came all the way here in the middle of the night to ask me if I’m still in love with Reade? Seriously Patterson? I thought you were saying something, but this is bullshit! Why do you care for who I’m in love with?”

Well, that was a great question, for which Patterson didn’t have any answer. It just hurt. Everything hurt. The whole damn situation hurt. And apparently, she was making it worse because Tasha was now walking from side to side screaming in Spanish. This was going the wrong way.

“Tasha,” Patterson called for her, the brunette didn’t stop to listen though, “Tasha, please.” She never had a response, “TASHA!” She cried out, still for nothing.

“BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!” Patterson screamed making Tasha stop instantly to stare at her.

“YOU WHAT?” Tasha asked in disbelief.

“Oh my Goddess!” Patterson covered her mouth with her hands.

And then it finally struck her: she was in love with Tasha. Everything made sense now… Why she only felt safe when she was with her best friend, why she didn’t want to date anyone after Borden, but also after she and Tasha got close, why she decided to go away from the FBI when Tasha went away too, why she looked at her a little too much and a little too long. She realized why she felt nauseous when she found out Tasha was in love with Reade and why she felt betrayed when she hid Borden from her. She wanted to know everything Tasha knew, because she loved her, but also because she was IN LOVE with her.

“I’m in love with you,” Patterson said it again, this time without yelling.

Tasha just kept her eyes on Patterson’s, so Patterson repeated getting closer to the other woman, “I am so fucking in love with you Tash…” She smiled, putting a strand of chocolate hair behind Tasha’s ears. “Damn, I’ve been in love with you for so long it’s stupid. I’m sorry if this ruins everything, but oh my Goddess, I just…” Patterson caressed Tasha’s cheek softly, keeping her hand there. “I love you.”

It took her a moment to realize she was crying, she only did so when she felt Tasha’s hand wipe her cheek delicately. Her breath caught with the other woman’s move and even though she tried not to, Patterson’s eyes fell from Tasha’s eyes to her lips. They were so close Patterson could feel the heat from the brunette’s body, she could smell her and she had never felt so compelled to kiss someone in her entire existence. But still she held herself, she didn’t want to ruin everything. She would be happy only with Tasha’s friendship, because she knew there was no way the other woman returns her feelings.

Except that Tasha seemed to be looking at her lips. And when Tasha took a breath, licked her lips and stared right into Patterson’s eyes, she couldn’t hold herself any longer. She just grabs Tasha’s face with both hands and kiss her, making her gasp immediately.

Patterson feels the world spinning around her, but she doesn’t care. All she cares about is how soft Tasha’s mouth is and how she appears to be kissing back. It takes her only a second to deepen the kiss and just as she does it, Tasha’s hands are on her waist, urging her closer. Patterson gasps and her hand find the back of the other woman’s head, she clings to her hair and pulls Tasha away lightly while she smiles. Tasha tries to resume the kiss but Patterson’s hand on her hair prevent her from doing so, she groans in frustration.

Patterson opens her eyes only to find Tasha looking at her, they’re still close and Patterson’s still smiling. Then she sees Tasha smile back at her and it’s one of the most beautiful things she’s ever seen. The way the brunette crinkles her nose when she’s smiling big enough makes Patterson weak in the knees. The blonde releases the other woman’s hair caressing her back slowly.

They kiss again, this time taking their time to relish each other and this new possibility. Patterson doesn’t know how much time they spend like that, but something inside her says she has to stop and talk to Tasha about what this means. Using all her inner strength, she distances herself from that addicting pair of lips and touches Tasha’s forehead with her own.

“What does this mean Tash?” She says realizing how out of breath she is and how every part of her body is aching to be closer to Tasha.

“I guess it’s pretty clear what it means…” The brunette smiles and pulls Patterson away just enough for them to lock eyes.

The FBI agent smiles, “Well, I don’t want to come to any wrong conclusion about this… I need you to tell me.” Patterson fixes Tasha’s hair behind her ear, “Please.” She asks.

Tasha takes a deep breath, “Te quiero, chiquita… Estoy enamorada de ti.” She says earning a laugh from Patterson.

“Okay even though that clearly did things to my brain and my body, I have absolutely no idea what it means!”

Tasha nods, “It means I love you, chiquita… I’m in love with you.”

Patterson smiles as her heart races inside of her and then Tasha’s kissing her again passionately. After some time, she interrupts the kiss again.

“What’s wrong?” Tasha asks.

“What does chiquita mean?”

Tasha laughs, “You’ll never know unless you start to learn Spanish just as I told you to years ago.”

Patterson fake slaps the other woman’s shoulder and kiss her again. They definitely have a lot to talk about, but not tonight… Tonight they’ll show each other just how much three months, three weeks and four days away made them miss each other.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it!  
> also, Tasha speaking spanish is a kink, i am not sorry.
> 
> twitter @greenpatterson  
> tumblr noneoftherestofitmatters


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